growing old so young

i think i might have to surrender to the fact that no longer am i hip/quirky/artsy/off-beat/edgy/etc. i don't go to thrift stores anymore because i don't have the time to look through all the stuff without constantly saying "stop touching that!" "quit hitting him!" "put that down!" "get back over here!". i no longer feel like i have the power to "pull things off" so to speak when it comes to clothing and/or accessories as i once did. i have no idea what is going on in music today or what bands i like or even what style of music i like because i never have time to just listen to music. or read (see previous post). i don't go to shows or museums or galleries or festivals. i no longer am dressing in finds from thrift stores and flea markets and vintage shops. i'm wearing jeans and vneck sweater from old navy for crying out loud! there was a time that i would never EVER have worn something from old navy. i haven't sewn myself a skirt or a dress in years.
when did i become so dang dull? yes, i'd like to grow up and be an adult. i don't want to be stuck at age 19/20 for my entire life, but how did i let myself become someone i said i would never be?

summer of 2004

i think aside from the aesthetic aspect of it, is that i truly love where i live. i love everything about oklahoma. yes, i live next to a railroad track across the street from a pasture full of cows, but there really is so much more to oklahoma than cowboys and indians. i feel like i have been living in a tunnel from a few years, but now that i'm back in the great state of OK, i fully intend to take advantage of all the antique shops and festivals, not just me, but for my kids as well. there is so much out there that i would love for them to see and experience- all the different arts festivals and cultural festivals. i want to instill in them that sense of pride for you state and all the different types of people in it. all kinds of people from the society folks to the inner city folks, farmers to drag queens, and all the people inbetween. i also want them to feel like something like 'growing up' and becoming 'responsible' doesn't necissarily mean that you have to lose your whole identity.

i think having this fresh new start is the perfect time to reinvent myself. get back to the person that God truly created me to be, someone who was quirky, but not wild, and loved to serve others and learn about and from others. now all that's left to do is to get us out there!

count to 10...

So, ever since I was a child I can remember people saying things about counting to ten when you are stressed or about to lose your temper and I never really "got" it until I had children....at least two of them anyway as my oldest, Canon, was such a breeze of a baby that I often wondered what all the fuss was about when people would talk about how hard having a baby was. Now that I am a mother of three, all boys (God apparently believes in me more than I do!), I certainly understand the benefits of taking a moment to count to ten before reacting to people or things. I still raise my voice much more than I'd care to admit, but the counting definitely helps.

This past week my husband, John, has been "in the field" and it has been so trying. It's hardley the longest we've ever been apart- he spent July of 2006- October 2007 in Iraq- but, these days I'm used to having him around. It didn't help that this week has been the coldest week we've experienced so far, and that along with the mighty Oklahoma winds has made the task of going out with two small children and a baby more work than it's worth. This week has also been a little preview of what is to come next year when John goes to Korea for a year. The good thing about it being for such a long amount of time is three fold: 1.)I can move up to the Oklahoma City area, which is closer to family and there are much more things to do. 2.)We will have a little extra income that will enable us to be completely debt free by the time his enlistment is up in '10, and 3.)when it is such a long amount of time, you have time to get used to doing it on your own. Something I noticed when he was in Iraq was that the evening witching hour seemed to disappear. I no longer watched the clock like hawk waiting for someone to come home and save me at the end of the day, because there wasn't anyone coming home. You can't complain about no one else picking up the slack when it's just you. Of course, I'm never going to choose being away from my husband over being with him, and I will miss him terribly and I'm not looking forward to him being gone, but I refuse to mope and be all doom and gloom about it.

be less Martha and more Mary

So, today was a typical day. Me trying my very best to make my home a peaceful haven for my husband, ie. running around up and down the stairs like a chicken with my head cut-off to attempt to get caught up on laundry, dishes, dusting, cooking, as well as the ever present rearing of children. I was actually getting quite a bit done without too much stress which was a nice change from my omgiamsolosingmymarbles type days. While I count it an answer to prayer, God also needed to remind me that while having a tidy home is good, it is not what is most important.
He did this in such a clever, unexpected way, as is typical with the way of God. I was putting my older boys to bed. Right now our routine is potty time, bible story time (which also gives us a set time every day to practice sitting still and listening), lights out, prayers, sleep. I picked up where we left off in the New Testament of The Beginner's Bible Timeless Children's Stories, when we came to the story about Mary and Martha. Mary is sitting and listening at Jesus' feet while Martha rushes around doing all the housework. Martha gets irritated that Mary isn't helping her, but Jesus explains that Mary "has chosen what is better. She is listening to me." I've heard that story a bagillion times, but this time- reading it in a children's story bible- I finally "got it", not in my head, but in my heart. So many days I end the day feeling sad and guilty that I didn't spend anytime with God in the word or in prayer other than to send up the emergency prayer like "Lord, so and so's friend/sister/mom/dog was in a carwreck/is in preterm labor/had a heart attack/has to be put down, please be with my friend and let your will be done." So often I just treat God like a vending machine.
Anyway- back on subject, so many times I end the day and feel the Holy Spirit convicting me of neglecting my relationship with God and I always try to rationalize and justify it with myself saying how much there is that needs to get done in a day that is my responsibility and blah blah blah. Today is the first day it has really sunken in that God is more important than have the table wiped off. God is more important than getting that load of clean clothes put away rightthissecond. God is more important than stuffing diapers/making beds/emptying the dishwasher/responding to an email....None of those are bad things in an of themselves, but when all is said and done and I have to stand before Christ and give account, is he really going to care how often I vacuumed? Is my heavenly Father going to be pleased that I put folding towels and matching socks and wiping counter tops before my relationship with him?
I want to get all this blogged out so that I can have a reminder that my home is not going to fall apart if I take 10 minutes to touch base with the person who sacrificed his life for me. The towels and socks and dusty coffee table will all still be there.

What do you do to celebrate Christmas that is different from the way "the world" celebrates Christmas?

That has really been on my heart lately as now my boys are more aware of things and I really want to impress upon them that Christmas is about Jesus, not about goodies and presents and Santa. We already don't do Santa (per hubby's request actually), but I don't think the Christian life should just be about the things we avoid. I think even more so it should be embodied by the things we DO participate in. When I was growing up in a christian household, i knew Christmas was to celebrate Jesus' birth, but I really didn't see what we were doing to actually do that. We did Santa and had a tree and presents and basically celebrated Christmas just like many non-believers celebrate Christmas. I figure if we are christians, then the way we celebrate should be different. Does that make sense? I don't want to just celebrate Jesus and his birth with my words, but with my actions, too. This year I was thinking we could do advent and a Jesse tree. We never did either when I was growing up. In fact, I had never even heard about advent until a year or two ago and even that was just hearing the word, not really what it was about. I had never heard of a Jesse tree until this past week or so. It was suggested to me by a mom on Christian Homeschool Fellowship when I asked how I could do more in the home to teach my kids about Christ.

Since we don't do Santa anyway, I want zero Santa paraphenalia in my home. I'm not going to shield them from Santa Claus stuff outside the home, (How could I? It's everywhere!) but I do want to make it clear in the way we celebrate that Santa is not 'the reason for the season' and one way to do that that I can see would be to eliminate that icon (unless it is in a historical context) from my home. Truthfully, I don't really want ANY sort of icon or image that doesn't directly involve the biblical standpoint.

What are some things you do to put the focus on Christ during the Christmas season?