growing old so young

i think i might have to surrender to the fact that no longer am i hip/quirky/artsy/off-beat/edgy/etc. i don't go to thrift stores anymore because i don't have the time to look through all the stuff without constantly saying "stop touching that!" "quit hitting him!" "put that down!" "get back over here!". i no longer feel like i have the power to "pull things off" so to speak when it comes to clothing and/or accessories as i once did. i have no idea what is going on in music today or what bands i like or even what style of music i like because i never have time to just listen to music. or read (see previous post). i don't go to shows or museums or galleries or festivals. i no longer am dressing in finds from thrift stores and flea markets and vintage shops. i'm wearing jeans and vneck sweater from old navy for crying out loud! there was a time that i would never EVER have worn something from old navy. i haven't sewn myself a skirt or a dress in years.
when did i become so dang dull? yes, i'd like to grow up and be an adult. i don't want to be stuck at age 19/20 for my entire life, but how did i let myself become someone i said i would never be?

summer of 2004

i think aside from the aesthetic aspect of it, is that i truly love where i live. i love everything about oklahoma. yes, i live next to a railroad track across the street from a pasture full of cows, but there really is so much more to oklahoma than cowboys and indians. i feel like i have been living in a tunnel from a few years, but now that i'm back in the great state of OK, i fully intend to take advantage of all the antique shops and festivals, not just me, but for my kids as well. there is so much out there that i would love for them to see and experience- all the different arts festivals and cultural festivals. i want to instill in them that sense of pride for you state and all the different types of people in it. all kinds of people from the society folks to the inner city folks, farmers to drag queens, and all the people inbetween. i also want them to feel like something like 'growing up' and becoming 'responsible' doesn't necissarily mean that you have to lose your whole identity.

i think having this fresh new start is the perfect time to reinvent myself. get back to the person that God truly created me to be, someone who was quirky, but not wild, and loved to serve others and learn about and from others. now all that's left to do is to get us out there!

count to 10...

So, ever since I was a child I can remember people saying things about counting to ten when you are stressed or about to lose your temper and I never really "got" it until I had children....at least two of them anyway as my oldest, Canon, was such a breeze of a baby that I often wondered what all the fuss was about when people would talk about how hard having a baby was. Now that I am a mother of three, all boys (God apparently believes in me more than I do!), I certainly understand the benefits of taking a moment to count to ten before reacting to people or things. I still raise my voice much more than I'd care to admit, but the counting definitely helps.

This past week my husband, John, has been "in the field" and it has been so trying. It's hardley the longest we've ever been apart- he spent July of 2006- October 2007 in Iraq- but, these days I'm used to having him around. It didn't help that this week has been the coldest week we've experienced so far, and that along with the mighty Oklahoma winds has made the task of going out with two small children and a baby more work than it's worth. This week has also been a little preview of what is to come next year when John goes to Korea for a year. The good thing about it being for such a long amount of time is three fold: 1.)I can move up to the Oklahoma City area, which is closer to family and there are much more things to do. 2.)We will have a little extra income that will enable us to be completely debt free by the time his enlistment is up in '10, and 3.)when it is such a long amount of time, you have time to get used to doing it on your own. Something I noticed when he was in Iraq was that the evening witching hour seemed to disappear. I no longer watched the clock like hawk waiting for someone to come home and save me at the end of the day, because there wasn't anyone coming home. You can't complain about no one else picking up the slack when it's just you. Of course, I'm never going to choose being away from my husband over being with him, and I will miss him terribly and I'm not looking forward to him being gone, but I refuse to mope and be all doom and gloom about it.