Though few and far between in this season of life, I enjoy reading in the calm quiet moments during my day. Right now I'm in the middle of reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. In it, Piper talks about boasting in the cross and while I've been a believer since i was a young child, I've never really understood what that phrase meant until reading this book. As Piper explains, it means that you rejoice in the cross. Anything that we as believers are have or experience that is good or that was bad and God turns for good is something undeserved that was bought for us on the cross. We are not deserving of anything other than judgment and condemnation. Every good thing- or bad thing that God turns for good- from work, to sex, to cars, to leisure, to health, and even life is paid for in blood. Litterally every breath, every heart beat is an undeserved gift. Thinking about that while holding my little 9 month old brought tears to my eyes. I just stood there smelling his sweet baby smell and feeling his soft hair and skin against me cheek and cried. I just cried and was so very grateful for the cross, for his blood that paid for that moment, for his blood that paid for this healthy baby in my arms, that paid for this heart beat...and this heart beat...and this heart beat...and each and every breath I heard him breath in and out. The cross is why I had healthy pregnancies and safe births and healthy babies and a good husband and a lovely home. The cross is why I can step outside with my kids and see the joy on their faces as we catch ladybugs in the front yard. The cross is why I can taste the awesome sea scallops at Park Avenue Grill and why I have the ability to eat and digest food at all. The cross is the source of all joy, of all life, and I can never repay it. The awesome thing is, I don't have to repay it. It makes me think of that song by Third Day that says
And I know that you don't realize the fullness of my love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
But I promise, I would do it all again....
God is just so good. So much better than we deserve. He's not just the best thing. He's the only thing.
we're busy little bees
tuesday marked one week that my husband has been in korea. he's not really loving it to say the least, but we aren't really loving him being gone either.
sunday we went to church at frontline. we got there just a tad late for the first service, but we all loved it so much we stayed for the second service as well. turns out that i already know someone who goes there and that always makes being in a new place a bit easier. not that it really needed to be made easier because everyone there was so welcoming and friendly. i really loved the message and the worship was great too. we're definitely going back this sunday.
tuesday the young'uns and i packed up a picnic and went to the oklahoma city zoo. man they have done (and are still doing) so much work to the zoo. i always enjoyed the zoo as a kid, but it is just really phenomenal now. i especially love the new Oklahoma Trails area and i can't wait till the new areas for the giraffes and elephants are done. my kids love the new playground of course. i wish i had remembered to take the camera. (i found an old digital camera in a cabinet the other day. it isn't anything great, but at least it's something.)
today the boys and i are meeting my friend Genia and her three boys for lunch at the Arts Festival downtown. i haven't been to the Arts Festival in years. i didn't even have kids yet the last time i went. i'm not even sure if i was with john or not the last time i went. i haven't seen Genia in several years either. ephraim, my second child, was probably doyle's age when i last saw her. she has been such a blessing to me over the years. i am so glad to be back in oklahoma city so we can hang out again.
sunday we went to church at frontline. we got there just a tad late for the first service, but we all loved it so much we stayed for the second service as well. turns out that i already know someone who goes there and that always makes being in a new place a bit easier. not that it really needed to be made easier because everyone there was so welcoming and friendly. i really loved the message and the worship was great too. we're definitely going back this sunday.
tuesday the young'uns and i packed up a picnic and went to the oklahoma city zoo. man they have done (and are still doing) so much work to the zoo. i always enjoyed the zoo as a kid, but it is just really phenomenal now. i especially love the new Oklahoma Trails area and i can't wait till the new areas for the giraffes and elephants are done. my kids love the new playground of course. i wish i had remembered to take the camera. (i found an old digital camera in a cabinet the other day. it isn't anything great, but at least it's something.)
today the boys and i are meeting my friend Genia and her three boys for lunch at the Arts Festival downtown. i haven't been to the Arts Festival in years. i didn't even have kids yet the last time i went. i'm not even sure if i was with john or not the last time i went. i haven't seen Genia in several years either. ephraim, my second child, was probably doyle's age when i last saw her. she has been such a blessing to me over the years. i am so glad to be back in oklahoma city so we can hang out again.
the daily digest
Man. I really miss having a digital camera. So many things happen through out the day that I would just love to snap a picture of and post here and it just KILLS me that I don't have that luxury anymore. Sigh....
Anyway, today I had to go deposit a check and since running a simple errand like going through the bank drive through requires me to get three little ones dressed and pottied/changed and strapped into the car like Nascar drivers, we decided to stay out of the house for a little while to make it worth the effort. we drove around all my favourite inner city neighborhoods (Jefferson Park, Gatewood, Mesta Park, Venice, Putnam Heights, etc...) while we waited for Cuppies and Joe to open. I'm not gonna lie, I was a wee bit terrified when they handed me some very breakable dishes, but it was actually pretty nice. Not super kid friendly, but my kids were hardley the only kids in there. Besides, most places that I would deem "kid-friendly" also tend to be places that are extremely loud, overstimulated and have T.V.'s on every conceivable surface and just....ulch. Those places are not my more favourite haunts. (That's right. I spell favourite with a 'u'. Get over it.) I actually ran into an old acquaintance while I was in there which was lovely.
Afterwards I took the kids to the playground in Jefferson Park, but we didn't stay long because Ephraim had an accident. I knew that would happen and I had a change of clothes for him, so it wasn't any big deal.
I think the kids and I are going to visit Frontline tomorrow for church. I've driven past it several times, but a friend of mine recommended it to me and that always makes me want to give somewhere a shot more than just checking out a cool website. (But don't stop with the cool websites. I like them, too.)
Anyway, today I had to go deposit a check and since running a simple errand like going through the bank drive through requires me to get three little ones dressed and pottied/changed and strapped into the car like Nascar drivers, we decided to stay out of the house for a little while to make it worth the effort. we drove around all my favourite inner city neighborhoods (Jefferson Park, Gatewood, Mesta Park, Venice, Putnam Heights, etc...) while we waited for Cuppies and Joe to open. I'm not gonna lie, I was a wee bit terrified when they handed me some very breakable dishes, but it was actually pretty nice. Not super kid friendly, but my kids were hardley the only kids in there. Besides, most places that I would deem "kid-friendly" also tend to be places that are extremely loud, overstimulated and have T.V.'s on every conceivable surface and just....ulch. Those places are not my more favourite haunts. (That's right. I spell favourite with a 'u'. Get over it.) I actually ran into an old acquaintance while I was in there which was lovely.
Afterwards I took the kids to the playground in Jefferson Park, but we didn't stay long because Ephraim had an accident. I knew that would happen and I had a change of clothes for him, so it wasn't any big deal.
I think the kids and I are going to visit Frontline tomorrow for church. I've driven past it several times, but a friend of mine recommended it to me and that always makes me want to give somewhere a shot more than just checking out a cool website. (But don't stop with the cool websites. I like them, too.)
i love this song.
look out if you are driving anywhere near me while this song is on because i will be blubbering like girl and won't be able to see the road. (btw- this isn't who actually sing this song. it's just some girls who also like the song. i just like how intimate it is compared to the actual band singing it on a stage.)
Why are you striving these day?
Why are you still trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away.
Why are you still looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run.
To where will you run?
And I'll be by your side
Where ever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call and
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowd the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side
Where ever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call and
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
that I, I love you
I'll never let you go
And I'll be by your side
Where ever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call and
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Why are you still trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away.
Why are you still looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run.
To where will you run?
And I'll be by your side
Where ever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call and
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowd the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side
Where ever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call and
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
that I, I love you
I'll never let you go
And I'll be by your side
Where ever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call and
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
resisting the urge to run ahead
Aren't we as little children? We are constantly not listening, trying to run all around on our own. We dash forward and jump on and off the pasth, instead of quietly walking with God listening for His instructions on what to do next. Very often my three year old say, "I don't want to hold your hand. I want to walk on my own." Isn't that just the way we are with God? Forever trying to do everything ourselves and following our own ideas instead of listening to a loving someone who knows better.
I feel so restless in my spirit. I need to learn how to be still and walk with God, following his instructions. I need to not only pray more, but listen more.
I feel so restless in my spirit. I need to learn how to be still and walk with God, following his instructions. I need to not only pray more, but listen more.
wasting away
Only one life
Twill soon be past;
Only what's done
for Christ will last.
i am and have been wasting my life. i've let all the passion and joy i had for the Lord slip away and have become complacent in so many thing. i've become materialistic and lazy. i haven't been cultivating relationships with people or reaching out to others. i am always talking about "my faith", but doesn't faith involve risk? i am risking nothing these days. i don't want to live this way anymore. i want to be among people. i want to really know people and i want to be known. i want to have real friends and not just memories of ones i had in the past. i want to be involved and to contribute to my community. when did i let myself become so jaded? i want to put myself and my heart on the line for people again. i want to make myself vulnerable. i want to take risks. i want to love dangerously.
i've been living in a bubble and it's high time for that bubble to pop. i don't want to waste my life.
Twill soon be past;
Only what's done
for Christ will last.
i am and have been wasting my life. i've let all the passion and joy i had for the Lord slip away and have become complacent in so many thing. i've become materialistic and lazy. i haven't been cultivating relationships with people or reaching out to others. i am always talking about "my faith", but doesn't faith involve risk? i am risking nothing these days. i don't want to live this way anymore. i want to be among people. i want to really know people and i want to be known. i want to have real friends and not just memories of ones i had in the past. i want to be involved and to contribute to my community. when did i let myself become so jaded? i want to put myself and my heart on the line for people again. i want to make myself vulnerable. i want to take risks. i want to love dangerously.
i've been living in a bubble and it's high time for that bubble to pop. i don't want to waste my life.
feeling blue
i am missing the husband today. he told me he would call when he got there and he should definitely be there by now, but i still haven't heard from him. no news is good news in the army, but it would still be nice to hear from him.
i took out the young'uns to go grocery shopping cause we NEEDED to go. let me just tell you if you didn't already know- grocery shopping with three rambuncious kids under the age of five (one of whom is potty training) is not an experience for those with weak nerves. we had a potty accident AND the baby bit me while on my back in the mei tai before we made it out the door with the food. we got the food in and put away and i promptly sent the older ones to play in their room while i mixed myself a rum and coke. now, i'm not a big drinker at all these days (years of pregnancy and breastfeeding induced sobriety will do that to a gal), but sometimes you need something to take the edge off. right now they are both in canon's room which is the smallest room in the house and they are having a conversation about Larry Boy, but it's AT THIS VOLUME RIGHT HERE.
you know, i just realized i haven't had anything to eat today. maybe that's why i'm taking everything a little harder than normal. off to devour something...
i took out the young'uns to go grocery shopping cause we NEEDED to go. let me just tell you if you didn't already know- grocery shopping with three rambuncious kids under the age of five (one of whom is potty training) is not an experience for those with weak nerves. we had a potty accident AND the baby bit me while on my back in the mei tai before we made it out the door with the food. we got the food in and put away and i promptly sent the older ones to play in their room while i mixed myself a rum and coke. now, i'm not a big drinker at all these days (years of pregnancy and breastfeeding induced sobriety will do that to a gal), but sometimes you need something to take the edge off. right now they are both in canon's room which is the smallest room in the house and they are having a conversation about Larry Boy, but it's AT THIS VOLUME RIGHT HERE.
you know, i just realized i haven't had anything to eat today. maybe that's why i'm taking everything a little harder than normal. off to devour something...
day one...
so the husband left this morning. yesterday i made mention of it being daddy's last day before he leaves for korea and my sweet little three year old said in a very quiet voice, "i want to go with daaaddyyyyyy..."and started to cry. he ran straight for the hubs and just kept saying "but i want to go with you....i want to stay with you...." i caught myself starting to tear up and had to really work at holding it together. especially when i caught the husband sniffling as well. he NEVER cries. i think i can recall maybe twice in the nearly 6 years we've been together him crying. how could you not cry though when this little child so desperate to keep you and you have to go away for so long?
after that little scene played out, we decided it'd be better for my mother-in-law to take hubs to the airport instead of me waking up the kids and us taking him. i've caught myself every now and then today getting that heavy feeling in my chest, but each time i just take a deep breathe, blow it out and tell myself that i don't need to be strong for the next 365 days, i just need to keep it together for today. i'm just going to focus on today. it is definitely helping that after days of cold rainy weather, God is blessing us with a beautiful, warm, sunny day.
besides, who has time to mope when all these little faces are shining around you?
rambly catch-up post.
man alive! i have neglected you poor little blog. what can i say? i've been a faithful livejournal-er for... wow....over 6 years now. you didn't hear or see it, but i just sighed deeply. to think of where i was 6 years ago, it seems like a lifetime ago. i'm pretty glad i'm not that liquered-up, glittered-up dance-into-the-wee-hours idiot anymore....well, i do miss dancing, but when you've got three extrememly active, extremely loud children under the age of five you're lucky to be up past ten p.m.
so i am no longer a denizen of Lawton and it feels fan.tastic. "technically" i am living in oklahoma city, though if i crossed the street i would be in Mustang. who knows how long we will stay in this house. hubs is wanting to leave the army when his contract ends in nov of next year, and we've always wanted to live deeper into the city. in fact, when hubs and i first met he was living over near the paseo. i really have always felt that God was leading us towards homeschooling, and the schools in okc were really my only reservation in regaurds to moving there. however, hubs still has to find a civilian job to work post-army, and that will dictate quite a bit when it comes to where and when to move.
speaking of hubs and the army- he is leaving in just a few days to go to Korea for 12 months. i know i will miss him desperately, but every time i start to get to feeling blue i remind myself that God is the one who is my rock, the one who sustains me. hubs is just a bonus. the Lord gives, and the Lord takes. blessed be the name of the Lord.
with the combo of a move along with a husband a world away, i really need to find a hobby...well, i suppose i can revist knitting. i knitted quite a bit while he was in iraq, but then i was always knitting wool diaper covers, which i don't need anymore because we use pocket diapers now. i have been wanting to knit some things from Mason-Dixon Knitting for our home though. i'll have to look for that book. i've also been dying to buy a hula hoop. not one of those flimsy plastic toy ones that you find in target or wal-mart, but an adult hoop. they are bigger and heavier, and thus easier to keep up because they revolve more slowly. what i *really* need to find is a church. being that i used to live in Mustang, i could always go back to the church that i went to when i was growing up here, but honestly i don't want to go to a church that is safely in a suburb bubble. i want to go somewhere that is engaging in fighting for social justice. a church where people can be raw and real and open, not where you feel like you have to put on a mask that you are someone who has all your ducks in a row when you're really hurting on the inside.
i need friends.
hubs is taking the two older young'uns to an OKC Thunder game tonite, so it will be just me and baby Doyle tonite. he has been UBER cranky the last few days. i thought maybe it was just being overstimulated by Disney World (we just got home wednesday), but it hasn't seemed to have worn off. teething perhaps?
welp, i'm off to look around etsy for accessories...or perhaps ravelry for patterns...or puruse blogs....or something completely unproductive...
so i am no longer a denizen of Lawton and it feels fan.tastic. "technically" i am living in oklahoma city, though if i crossed the street i would be in Mustang. who knows how long we will stay in this house. hubs is wanting to leave the army when his contract ends in nov of next year, and we've always wanted to live deeper into the city. in fact, when hubs and i first met he was living over near the paseo. i really have always felt that God was leading us towards homeschooling, and the schools in okc were really my only reservation in regaurds to moving there. however, hubs still has to find a civilian job to work post-army, and that will dictate quite a bit when it comes to where and when to move.
speaking of hubs and the army- he is leaving in just a few days to go to Korea for 12 months. i know i will miss him desperately, but every time i start to get to feeling blue i remind myself that God is the one who is my rock, the one who sustains me. hubs is just a bonus. the Lord gives, and the Lord takes. blessed be the name of the Lord.
with the combo of a move along with a husband a world away, i really need to find a hobby...well, i suppose i can revist knitting. i knitted quite a bit while he was in iraq, but then i was always knitting wool diaper covers, which i don't need anymore because we use pocket diapers now. i have been wanting to knit some things from Mason-Dixon Knitting for our home though. i'll have to look for that book. i've also been dying to buy a hula hoop. not one of those flimsy plastic toy ones that you find in target or wal-mart, but an adult hoop. they are bigger and heavier, and thus easier to keep up because they revolve more slowly. what i *really* need to find is a church. being that i used to live in Mustang, i could always go back to the church that i went to when i was growing up here, but honestly i don't want to go to a church that is safely in a suburb bubble. i want to go somewhere that is engaging in fighting for social justice. a church where people can be raw and real and open, not where you feel like you have to put on a mask that you are someone who has all your ducks in a row when you're really hurting on the inside.
i need friends.
hubs is taking the two older young'uns to an OKC Thunder game tonite, so it will be just me and baby Doyle tonite. he has been UBER cranky the last few days. i thought maybe it was just being overstimulated by Disney World (we just got home wednesday), but it hasn't seemed to have worn off. teething perhaps?
welp, i'm off to look around etsy for accessories...or perhaps ravelry for patterns...or puruse blogs....or something completely unproductive...
