it crosses my mind nearly every day that I haven't been updating my blog, and yet I never make it over here to do it. So just now when I thought to myself, "Self, it's sure been a while since you blogged anything." I decided to act and blog.
It's been 8 weeks since my husband left for Korea and I've been doing my best to keep the kids and I busy and it seems to be working. We've taken multiple picnic trips to the zoo (note to self: get a zoo membership), spent lots of time at church and at my mom's house, gone to birthday parties, Cuppies and Joe, story times, and logged many an hour just playing outside in our own yard.
Last week we took a trip down to the Earlywine Aquatic Center. While it was a very nice pool, it was EXPENSIVE!! $5 a person for everyone, including my little ten month old equals $20 for me to take the kids to the pool. It was also very crowded. Though a little smalled, Mustang's city pool looks to be equally nice (from what I've seen peeking through the fence) and has the added bonus of being a heck of a lot closer to where we live as well as about half the cost (still $5 a person, but the don't start charging till age 4.) I keep meaning to hit up an OKC sprayground since they are free of charge, but just haven't made it out to one yet.
How do you like to spend your summers? Keeping busy or taking it easy?
conviction
Lord Jesus forgive me, I feel like I am finally developing a true hunger for Christ and His presence and to be intimate with Him and do His work. For several years I've been saying that I wanted to get back to a strong place in my walk. In my head I knew that that was what I should be pursuing, but I just didn't feel that hunger within my heart. I guess I was too comfortable being, well, comfortable. However, Christ doesn't call us to be comfortable. Living as merely a spectator in a pew on Sunday mornings doesn't stir one's soul. It doesn't satisfy. I did manage in that time to get myself back into church, but it was just the same old messages that I've heard my entire life that always boil down to being a good person. You know, pay your tithe, be polite to your co-workers, don't curse, don't cheat on your spouse, etc....and while all of those things are good things to go by, there is just so much more to being a Christian than merely being a good person.
I always really felt like there just had to be more to it. There had to be more to this whole 'living for Jesus' thing than wearing WWJD? bracelets and listening to Charlie Hall cd's. There should be risk, there should be adventure, it should be something radical. It should truly change you. Change who you are at your very core.
So today I was reading along in Matthew and got to the part at the end of chapter 6 where Jesus is talking about God clothing the grass of the field with flowers and aren't we more important than grass. Growing up in church I've heard these verses about a million times, but glory to God how He makes all things fresh and new! Tonight it just really struck me how much time I have spent thinking about clothes. Typical girl, especially with planning a vow renewal I've been looking at clothes and thinking about clothes a LOT lately. To be completely honest, back when I went to Burn at Shekinah last month I had a really hard time getting in to the worship. I saw all these other people just totally feeling the presence of God and I just didn't. Right then the Holy Spirit convicted me and said, "You spent more time preparing your outward appearance than you did preparing your heart to be with me. You wasted time on choosing 'the perfect outfit' for a social gathering when you should have been preparing your heart to be in my presence." Consequently, His presence was withheld from me that night and it was heartbreaking. Being disciplined by the Holy Spirit is never an enjoyable feeling. And yet what did I do? The next morning I walked right along on the same path and never made a change.
Tonight I could feel God telling me "You feel empty. I can make you full. Turn off the TV and open your Bible. You are never going to find the wholeness you are searching for on that TV. Open my word." I resisted it at first, but thank God for His persistance. Thank You, Lord, that You never give up on me.
So I read and first came across Matt. 5:47 "And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" Instantly my mind flooded with Hope for the Hopeless. Hope for the Hopeless is a bible study at Frontline that my friend Josh Kidd leads that is geared towards all the punk rock, hardcore, goth, etc. people. I went week before last and had made up my mind that I wouldn't return because I just wasn't one of those kids anymore and I felt horribly out of place. After reading this verse though, I think I will go back. No, I'm not decked out in crazy clothes and multicolored hair anymore, but just because I'm not and they are doesn't mean that I shouldn't give them the time of day. We are all one body. Isn't the whole point of the bible study to reach out to the counter-culture people living on the fringe? Yes, it is out of my comfort zone- all the more reason to keep going. So that settles it. Tomorrow night I'm returning to the bible study.....and maybe I'll bake some cupcakes or something to bring along.
Bunny trail there- back to the clothes issue. Jesus clearly says that we are not to be all "What shall I wear?" cause God knows that we need clothes. Ouch. There's another zap from the Holy Spirit. I couldn't even tell you how many times I have said "What shall I wear?" or "I have nothing to wear." in the last few weeks. I have spent an insane amount of time online looking at clothes. Time that I could have spent being a good steward of my home by attending to that pile of clean laundry that is over-taking my living room, waiting to be folded and put away. Time that I could have spent reading the word and praying and teaching my kids by example to make those things a priority. In Luke chapter 12 the same story is told and adds, "Sell your possesions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys." Sell your possessions and give to the poor is pretty cut and dry don't you think? Quit stock piling all this expensive crap that you don't really need and put that money towards those who are truly living without. The next part also made me think of women as a whole. Women and purses. It made me think of all the designer handbags out there that women throw down hundreds if not thousands of dollars on. Purses that will eventually wear out or quite possibly be stolen. But if instead you took the hundred, five hundred, or more dollars that you would be shelling out for say, a Coach bag, and gave that to your local rescue mission the purse that you would receive in turn would be one in heaven that would blow that tan bag with the C's all over it out of the water. Now I'm sure that that probably isn't the purse that the writer is referring to. I doubt they had designer handbags back then, but it makes sense here in the modern age, don't you think?
I am here by committing myself to take a break from thinking about clothes. Instead of watching the Style Network and window shopping online, I will read my bible, pray, put on some praise music and worship God. I will avoid magazines and shopping malls and stores. If I absolutely MUST get some new garment (though I can't imagine I would) I will either make it myself or buy used.
It's time to refocus. It's time to stop trying to follow Jesus just a little bit and go all in. It's time to get serious and make the main thing the main thing.
I always really felt like there just had to be more to it. There had to be more to this whole 'living for Jesus' thing than wearing WWJD? bracelets and listening to Charlie Hall cd's. There should be risk, there should be adventure, it should be something radical. It should truly change you. Change who you are at your very core.
So today I was reading along in Matthew and got to the part at the end of chapter 6 where Jesus is talking about God clothing the grass of the field with flowers and aren't we more important than grass. Growing up in church I've heard these verses about a million times, but glory to God how He makes all things fresh and new! Tonight it just really struck me how much time I have spent thinking about clothes. Typical girl, especially with planning a vow renewal I've been looking at clothes and thinking about clothes a LOT lately. To be completely honest, back when I went to Burn at Shekinah last month I had a really hard time getting in to the worship. I saw all these other people just totally feeling the presence of God and I just didn't. Right then the Holy Spirit convicted me and said, "You spent more time preparing your outward appearance than you did preparing your heart to be with me. You wasted time on choosing 'the perfect outfit' for a social gathering when you should have been preparing your heart to be in my presence." Consequently, His presence was withheld from me that night and it was heartbreaking. Being disciplined by the Holy Spirit is never an enjoyable feeling. And yet what did I do? The next morning I walked right along on the same path and never made a change.
Tonight I could feel God telling me "You feel empty. I can make you full. Turn off the TV and open your Bible. You are never going to find the wholeness you are searching for on that TV. Open my word." I resisted it at first, but thank God for His persistance. Thank You, Lord, that You never give up on me.
So I read and first came across Matt. 5:47 "And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" Instantly my mind flooded with Hope for the Hopeless. Hope for the Hopeless is a bible study at Frontline that my friend Josh Kidd leads that is geared towards all the punk rock, hardcore, goth, etc. people. I went week before last and had made up my mind that I wouldn't return because I just wasn't one of those kids anymore and I felt horribly out of place. After reading this verse though, I think I will go back. No, I'm not decked out in crazy clothes and multicolored hair anymore, but just because I'm not and they are doesn't mean that I shouldn't give them the time of day. We are all one body. Isn't the whole point of the bible study to reach out to the counter-culture people living on the fringe? Yes, it is out of my comfort zone- all the more reason to keep going. So that settles it. Tomorrow night I'm returning to the bible study.....and maybe I'll bake some cupcakes or something to bring along.
Bunny trail there- back to the clothes issue. Jesus clearly says that we are not to be all "What shall I wear?" cause God knows that we need clothes. Ouch. There's another zap from the Holy Spirit. I couldn't even tell you how many times I have said "What shall I wear?" or "I have nothing to wear." in the last few weeks. I have spent an insane amount of time online looking at clothes. Time that I could have spent being a good steward of my home by attending to that pile of clean laundry that is over-taking my living room, waiting to be folded and put away. Time that I could have spent reading the word and praying and teaching my kids by example to make those things a priority. In Luke chapter 12 the same story is told and adds, "Sell your possesions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys." Sell your possessions and give to the poor is pretty cut and dry don't you think? Quit stock piling all this expensive crap that you don't really need and put that money towards those who are truly living without. The next part also made me think of women as a whole. Women and purses. It made me think of all the designer handbags out there that women throw down hundreds if not thousands of dollars on. Purses that will eventually wear out or quite possibly be stolen. But if instead you took the hundred, five hundred, or more dollars that you would be shelling out for say, a Coach bag, and gave that to your local rescue mission the purse that you would receive in turn would be one in heaven that would blow that tan bag with the C's all over it out of the water. Now I'm sure that that probably isn't the purse that the writer is referring to. I doubt they had designer handbags back then, but it makes sense here in the modern age, don't you think?
I am here by committing myself to take a break from thinking about clothes. Instead of watching the Style Network and window shopping online, I will read my bible, pray, put on some praise music and worship God. I will avoid magazines and shopping malls and stores. If I absolutely MUST get some new garment (though I can't imagine I would) I will either make it myself or buy used.
It's time to refocus. It's time to stop trying to follow Jesus just a little bit and go all in. It's time to get serious and make the main thing the main thing.
Hey stomach flu- LEAVE ALREADY!!
It's been a crazy week around here. At least one of my children has thrown up every day for the last seven days. This morning it was the baby puking into my hair. You're gagging, I know. I did too.
The seven days has also been pretty exciting though as my hubby and I have decided to have a wedding ceremony for our anniversary next year. (He'll still be in Korea for this year's anniversary.) Hubs and I just went down to the Oklahoma County Courthouse to get married and only had two friends go with us, with whom we've since lost contact. Being the girly girl that I am, of course I have never given up on my dream of having a wedding with my family there. It's pretty much going to be limited to just family because I have a HUGE family. I'm hispanic. What more need I say? I'm beyond excited at planning this thing. It'll be a nice project to keep me distracted while hubs is overseas as well.
Currently we're just enjoying some down time after running errands all day. It's so nice to just sit on the couch and chill sometimes.
The seven days has also been pretty exciting though as my hubby and I have decided to have a wedding ceremony for our anniversary next year. (He'll still be in Korea for this year's anniversary.) Hubs and I just went down to the Oklahoma County Courthouse to get married and only had two friends go with us, with whom we've since lost contact. Being the girly girl that I am, of course I have never given up on my dream of having a wedding with my family there. It's pretty much going to be limited to just family because I have a HUGE family. I'm hispanic. What more need I say? I'm beyond excited at planning this thing. It'll be a nice project to keep me distracted while hubs is overseas as well.
Currently we're just enjoying some down time after running errands all day. It's so nice to just sit on the couch and chill sometimes.
bills and illness
Can I just say how much I hate bills? I mean, I know they are necessary and that is fine, but as someone who lived in military housing for the bulk of their adult life, it is quite a switch to suddenly have to worry about rent and utilities and lawn care and pest control. Not that we weren't paying for those things before, but we were paying significantly less and it was all taken from hubby's check automatically. It's been a long time since I've had to worry about getting rent paid on time and all of that.
My oldest boy was sick yesterday. He woke up saying he felt sick and that his stomach didn't feel good, but I just figured it was because he was hungry and needed to eat. Next thing I know he's throwing up last night's macaroni and cheese all over the carpet the poor kid. He pretty much laid on the couch all morning and then laid in bed all afternoon. I dragged him out of the house (he said he was feeling better) so I could go pick up a pizza becaues I couldn't find anyone to deliver one out to us, and as soon as we got back inside the house he just laid down on the floor right in the hallway. Tell me that isn't going to break a momma's heart. He ended up throwing up again around midnight and developed a little bit of a fever. I hope he feels better today. It's so unlike my kids to get sick.
My oldest boy was sick yesterday. He woke up saying he felt sick and that his stomach didn't feel good, but I just figured it was because he was hungry and needed to eat. Next thing I know he's throwing up last night's macaroni and cheese all over the carpet the poor kid. He pretty much laid on the couch all morning and then laid in bed all afternoon. I dragged him out of the house (he said he was feeling better) so I could go pick up a pizza becaues I couldn't find anyone to deliver one out to us, and as soon as we got back inside the house he just laid down on the floor right in the hallway. Tell me that isn't going to break a momma's heart. He ended up throwing up again around midnight and developed a little bit of a fever. I hope he feels better today. It's so unlike my kids to get sick.
boasting in the Cross
Though few and far between in this season of life, I enjoy reading in the calm quiet moments during my day. Right now I'm in the middle of reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. In it, Piper talks about boasting in the cross and while I've been a believer since i was a young child, I've never really understood what that phrase meant until reading this book. As Piper explains, it means that you rejoice in the cross. Anything that we as believers are have or experience that is good or that was bad and God turns for good is something undeserved that was bought for us on the cross. We are not deserving of anything other than judgment and condemnation. Every good thing- or bad thing that God turns for good- from work, to sex, to cars, to leisure, to health, and even life is paid for in blood. Litterally every breath, every heart beat is an undeserved gift. Thinking about that while holding my little 9 month old brought tears to my eyes. I just stood there smelling his sweet baby smell and feeling his soft hair and skin against me cheek and cried. I just cried and was so very grateful for the cross, for his blood that paid for that moment, for his blood that paid for this healthy baby in my arms, that paid for this heart beat...and this heart beat...and this heart beat...and each and every breath I heard him breath in and out. The cross is why I had healthy pregnancies and safe births and healthy babies and a good husband and a lovely home. The cross is why I can step outside with my kids and see the joy on their faces as we catch ladybugs in the front yard. The cross is why I can taste the awesome sea scallops at Park Avenue Grill and why I have the ability to eat and digest food at all. The cross is the source of all joy, of all life, and I can never repay it. The awesome thing is, I don't have to repay it. It makes me think of that song by Third Day that says
And I know that you don't realize the fullness of my love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
But I promise, I would do it all again....
God is just so good. So much better than we deserve. He's not just the best thing. He's the only thing.
And I know that you don't realize the fullness of my love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
But I promise, I would do it all again....
God is just so good. So much better than we deserve. He's not just the best thing. He's the only thing.
we're busy little bees
tuesday marked one week that my husband has been in korea. he's not really loving it to say the least, but we aren't really loving him being gone either.
sunday we went to church at frontline. we got there just a tad late for the first service, but we all loved it so much we stayed for the second service as well. turns out that i already know someone who goes there and that always makes being in a new place a bit easier. not that it really needed to be made easier because everyone there was so welcoming and friendly. i really loved the message and the worship was great too. we're definitely going back this sunday.
tuesday the young'uns and i packed up a picnic and went to the oklahoma city zoo. man they have done (and are still doing) so much work to the zoo. i always enjoyed the zoo as a kid, but it is just really phenomenal now. i especially love the new Oklahoma Trails area and i can't wait till the new areas for the giraffes and elephants are done. my kids love the new playground of course. i wish i had remembered to take the camera. (i found an old digital camera in a cabinet the other day. it isn't anything great, but at least it's something.)
today the boys and i are meeting my friend Genia and her three boys for lunch at the Arts Festival downtown. i haven't been to the Arts Festival in years. i didn't even have kids yet the last time i went. i'm not even sure if i was with john or not the last time i went. i haven't seen Genia in several years either. ephraim, my second child, was probably doyle's age when i last saw her. she has been such a blessing to me over the years. i am so glad to be back in oklahoma city so we can hang out again.
sunday we went to church at frontline. we got there just a tad late for the first service, but we all loved it so much we stayed for the second service as well. turns out that i already know someone who goes there and that always makes being in a new place a bit easier. not that it really needed to be made easier because everyone there was so welcoming and friendly. i really loved the message and the worship was great too. we're definitely going back this sunday.
tuesday the young'uns and i packed up a picnic and went to the oklahoma city zoo. man they have done (and are still doing) so much work to the zoo. i always enjoyed the zoo as a kid, but it is just really phenomenal now. i especially love the new Oklahoma Trails area and i can't wait till the new areas for the giraffes and elephants are done. my kids love the new playground of course. i wish i had remembered to take the camera. (i found an old digital camera in a cabinet the other day. it isn't anything great, but at least it's something.)
today the boys and i are meeting my friend Genia and her three boys for lunch at the Arts Festival downtown. i haven't been to the Arts Festival in years. i didn't even have kids yet the last time i went. i'm not even sure if i was with john or not the last time i went. i haven't seen Genia in several years either. ephraim, my second child, was probably doyle's age when i last saw her. she has been such a blessing to me over the years. i am so glad to be back in oklahoma city so we can hang out again.
the daily digest
Man. I really miss having a digital camera. So many things happen through out the day that I would just love to snap a picture of and post here and it just KILLS me that I don't have that luxury anymore. Sigh....
Anyway, today I had to go deposit a check and since running a simple errand like going through the bank drive through requires me to get three little ones dressed and pottied/changed and strapped into the car like Nascar drivers, we decided to stay out of the house for a little while to make it worth the effort. we drove around all my favourite inner city neighborhoods (Jefferson Park, Gatewood, Mesta Park, Venice, Putnam Heights, etc...) while we waited for Cuppies and Joe to open. I'm not gonna lie, I was a wee bit terrified when they handed me some very breakable dishes, but it was actually pretty nice. Not super kid friendly, but my kids were hardley the only kids in there. Besides, most places that I would deem "kid-friendly" also tend to be places that are extremely loud, overstimulated and have T.V.'s on every conceivable surface and just....ulch. Those places are not my more favourite haunts. (That's right. I spell favourite with a 'u'. Get over it.) I actually ran into an old acquaintance while I was in there which was lovely.
Afterwards I took the kids to the playground in Jefferson Park, but we didn't stay long because Ephraim had an accident. I knew that would happen and I had a change of clothes for him, so it wasn't any big deal.
I think the kids and I are going to visit Frontline tomorrow for church. I've driven past it several times, but a friend of mine recommended it to me and that always makes me want to give somewhere a shot more than just checking out a cool website. (But don't stop with the cool websites. I like them, too.)
Anyway, today I had to go deposit a check and since running a simple errand like going through the bank drive through requires me to get three little ones dressed and pottied/changed and strapped into the car like Nascar drivers, we decided to stay out of the house for a little while to make it worth the effort. we drove around all my favourite inner city neighborhoods (Jefferson Park, Gatewood, Mesta Park, Venice, Putnam Heights, etc...) while we waited for Cuppies and Joe to open. I'm not gonna lie, I was a wee bit terrified when they handed me some very breakable dishes, but it was actually pretty nice. Not super kid friendly, but my kids were hardley the only kids in there. Besides, most places that I would deem "kid-friendly" also tend to be places that are extremely loud, overstimulated and have T.V.'s on every conceivable surface and just....ulch. Those places are not my more favourite haunts. (That's right. I spell favourite with a 'u'. Get over it.) I actually ran into an old acquaintance while I was in there which was lovely.
Afterwards I took the kids to the playground in Jefferson Park, but we didn't stay long because Ephraim had an accident. I knew that would happen and I had a change of clothes for him, so it wasn't any big deal.
I think the kids and I are going to visit Frontline tomorrow for church. I've driven past it several times, but a friend of mine recommended it to me and that always makes me want to give somewhere a shot more than just checking out a cool website. (But don't stop with the cool websites. I like them, too.)
