wasting away

Only one life
Twill soon be past;
Only what's done
for Christ will last.

i am and have been wasting my life. i've let all the passion and joy i had for the Lord slip away and have become complacent in so many thing. i've become materialistic and lazy. i haven't been cultivating relationships with people or reaching out to others. i am always talking about "my faith", but doesn't faith involve risk? i am risking nothing these days. i don't want to live this way anymore. i want to be among people. i want to really know people and i want to be known. i want to have real friends and not just memories of ones i had in the past. i want to be involved and to contribute to my community. when did i let myself become so jaded? i want to put myself and my heart on the line for people again. i want to make myself vulnerable. i want to take risks. i want to love dangerously.

i've been living in a bubble and it's high time for that bubble to pop. i don't want to waste my life.